Two rainy days in gurgaon.

Crooked lines,

unpleasant silence,

disturbing announcements,

arrivals and exits.

Between 
clear departures and unclear destinations
reside a hoard of certainties and uncertainties.

Delhi rains,

wet roads,

empty pavements,

yellow squares,

fallen leaves,

life out of a suitcase.

A sudden image of Mumbai,

a smile on my face,

now,

amidst a market place in Gurgaon.

People.

Moments of chaos,

motion,

blur.

Departures,

last minute meetings,

and not so good good-byes.

Me,

wondering why they are called ‘good’byes?

Home,

home coming happiness,

a sense of belongingness.

Clear skies, 

thick clouds,

and persisting t-u-r-b-u-l-e-n-c-e.

SaveSave
SaveSave

The Young India Fellowship. Period.

Living out of half a room for the past 317 days! :D

Is the world close to binary or infinity?

Yes/No or Beyond?

What is life?

What is happiness?

What is right?

What is wrong?

Is there a lot more than one can see?

Beyond right and wrong,

is there something that’s not both?

Is it just with me or against me?

Is there something in between?

Does this seem meta?

Oh yes! It is meta.

And it’s not just meta in isolation, it’s living, eating, drinking, sleeping and waking up to meta for a year.

I didn’t get one damn day to write a post for the past 317 days. 

Even now, I have a LONG to-do list, waiting for my hug.

One word. Fellowship.

It’s not the same for everyone, 

this brings me to one special thing about the fellowship - It gives you what you want to take.

Such a beauty it is.
If you don’t want anything, it won’t trouble you.
If you want something, it’s not a Mother Theresa,
it’s not going to come to your bed,
sing you a lullaby or tell you a fairytale to put you to sleep.

If you want something, it’ll fuck around with you.
It’ll punch you in the face, pour a bucket of water from the top of your head and say,
“Hey, welcome to the world, it’s not a fairytale anymore.” 

Waking up is a good thing right?
Considering the amount of uncertainty that is attached to sleep, we never know if we might doze off to a 20year sleep and wake up 40years old.
Waking up early in life & morning is good. :D

The questions I started this journey with, they are still there. 

For some, I’ve figured out a way.
For few more, they are more complicated today.

But the way I look at the world has changed.
There’s an element of substance added to my glasses.
The world is never going to be what it was before.
There’s a human element added to every frame.

Detailing was never as much fun.

Deciphering was never as thought provoking as it is now.

Judging has dropped from Everest to its base-camp.

The importance of understanding has risen from deep sea to sky high. 

Objective outlook is overtaking the subjective inhibitions.
Contradictions are a part of life.

Achievements are always a work in progress.#WIP

Repercussions. Revelations. Realizations. 

They all happen.

One after the other.

An ever building, ever growing, holistic understanding of the world is in progress.#WIP
A concoction of meta and material.
An epiphany right in the middle of a cacophony.

Big things. Heavy thoughts.

And this doesn’t stop. 

They are all triggered enough to continue for life.

Summary - Lost & Found.

Completely found?

Isn't that always a #WIP? 

It's more exciting that way! :D

P.S - End is nearing.
‘Feel is coming.’
#FellowshipNeverEnds?
#RealizationIsAPartOfTheFellowship :D

A walk to the Pumpset

A result of a stroll outside Ashoka University.
Here's presenting Asawarpur.




Their livelihood is sustained by agriculture: the villagers grow wheat, corn and other vegetables in the fields adjoining the village.

A friend on the way.

The clear blue waters. Sorry, clear COLD blue waters.

One thing is common in every household of Haryana. 

It's the hukka pot. 

This man travelled the length and breadth of India while he was working in a transport company. He coughs heavily after each drag, yet continues to flaunt his dear possession as I continue clicking.

One evening in Asawarpur.

Newly painted.

These guys were chilling on the roads after an after shower powder coat. 

The sounds of laughter as they train back home after school.

That little kid in the front, he was amazing! 

I have three shots of his

First one, he smiled.

Second one, he smiled wider.

Third, his smile became contagious.

I was so much in love with these yellow flowers, I clicked 14 pictures to get the focus and frame right. 

Yellow flowers + Muddy brown wall + White building and it's blue windows.

 And then, the sun finally sets as Raghav sips his piping hot tea.

A relationship of 3 months

It’s a rain forest and a dry desert.

It’s the Mount Everest and the Dead Sea.

It’s an apple and a bougainvillea.

It’s the Young India Fellowship.

It’s cold and hot.

It’s hot and cold.

It’s yellow and grey.

It’s addictive and exhaustive.

It’s stressful and carefree.

It’s the yin and the yang.

3 months.

It’s the longest I’ve stayed away from her. 

Ever since the history of one December 24th.

Tomorrow I’m flying to visit her and now I wish I could be there in two places at the same time.

Like really.

Really really!

Attachment?

Umm, I don’t know. 

It’s a strange relationship. 

It makes me happy. 

It makes me sad. 

It makes me want for more.

Some more. 

Always!

It’s addictive.

And exhaustive.

Strangely queer.

Queerly weird.

Is it good or bad?

I don’t know. 

It’s addictive.

That’s all I know.

Meanwhile.. in the background..

B : Queer ah?

A : Queer has two meanings. 

B : Bachelors in English Economics ah?

Beat playing at a distance .. I’m a Barbie girl..in the Barbie world 

C : Why are they here? 

B : Writing something!

C : P ah?

Crowd enters!

What’s happening!!

As I complete I’m called .....

Chatter chatter…

It doesn’t end.

Goes on….

C : Singing.. I’m a Barbie girl..na na na na na..

C : I passed a psychopath exam in distinction. I was very proud that day.

B : Enough! We know!!

Khwabon ke parindey.. ☺️

Every picture has a story, right?

This too has one.

The painting has a story, and its picture too has a story.

My attempt to describing it seemed like a caterpillar. Blah!

Never mind! Late night revelations. :p 

Here's a butterfly of the same.

P.S - Off late, I'm too much into poetry. 

Reading poetry, writing poetry, right now listening to poetry and completing a sketchbook.

Here's some late night poetry and a painting that's right beside me - making me add more sense to the lyrics on loop. (:

Udein, khule aasaman mein khwabon ke parindey

Udein, dil ke jahaan main khaabon ke parindey

Oho, kya pata, jaayenge kahaan

Khule hain jo par, kahe yeh nazar

Lagta hai ab hain jaage hum

Fikrein jo thi, peechhe reh gayi

Nikle unse aage hum

Hawaon mein beh rahi hai zindagi

Yeh hum se keh rahi hai zindagi

Oho.. ab to, jo bhi ho so ho..

Ude, khule aasaman mein khwabon ke parindey

Ude, dil ke jahaan mein khwabon ke parindey

Oho, kya pata, jayenge kahaan

Kisi ne chhua toh yeh hua

Phirte hain mehke mehke hum

Khoye hain kahin baatein nayi

Jab hain aise behke hum

Hua hai yoon ke dil pighal gaye

Bas ek pal mein hum badal gaye

Oho.. ab to, jo bhi ho so ho..

Roshni mili

Ab raah mein hai ek dilkashi si barsi

Har khushi mili

Ab zindagi pe hai zindagi si barsi

Ab jeena hum ne seekha hai

Yaad hai kal, aaya tha wo pal

Jisme jaadoo aisa tha

Hum ho gaye jaise naye

Woh kal jaane kaisa tha

Kahe yeh dil ki jaa udhar hi tu

Jahan bhi leke jaaye aarzoo

Oho, ab toh...

Jo bhi ho so ho..

పర్ణసాల - A telugu novel

నేను పూర్తిగా చదివిన మొట్టమొదటి తెలుగు నవల.

తెలుగు సాహిత్యం పట్ల ఇతివరకెన్నడూ ఊహించని ఆసక్తిని పెంపొందించిన నవల.

జీవితం అందించే ఎన్నో పాఠాలలో ఒక పాఠాన్ని కళ్ళకు కట్టినట్టు ఒక ప్రయాణంలా పరిచయం చేసిన నవల.

The story revolves around money.

How important or unimportant it is when related to happiness?

కథ ప్రారంభంలొ ఇద్దరు వ్యక్తులమధ్య వాదులాట జరుగుతూ ఉంటుంది -

ఒకరేమో డబ్బు ఉంటేనే ప్రేమానురాగాలు ఉంటాయి అనీ, మరొకరేమో డబ్బుకీ వాటికీ సంబంధమే లెదనీ, ప్రేమానురాగాలు డబ్బు అనే కాగితాలతొముడిపడి ఉండవనీ.

కథలొ, డబ్బు ఉంటేనే ప్రేమ ఉంటుంది అనేవారికి జీవితంలొ వారు చూడనంత డబ్బు ఒక్కసారిగా నటింట్లొ తాండవం చేస్తుంది, కానీ అది ప్రేమానురాగాలని తనవెంట తీస్కురాకపోగా - ఉన్న ప్రేమని ప్రేమతొ ప్రేమగా ప్రేమించనివ్వదు.

డబ్బు తొ ప్రేమానురాగాలు ముడిపడి  ఉండవు  అన్న వారికి ఉన్న డబ్బు అంతా పోతుంది, దానితొపాటే జీవితంలొ ప్రస్తుతం ఉన్న ప్రేమానురాగాలు కూడా దబ్బు లేక కొన్ని, దబ్బు కోసం కొన్ని, బంధాలు బాంధవ్యాలు తెంచుకుని వెల్లిపోతాయి.

ఒక చాలా సంక్లిష్టమైన ప్రయాణం తర్వాత తిరిగి ఆ ఇద్దరూ మళ్ళి కలిసినప్పుడు, ఒకరి అభిప్రాయం ఒకరు తప్పు అని, వారి వారి అనుభవ పూర్వక జ్ఞానంతొ తిరిగి సంభాషించుకుంటారు.

—

ఇంతకీ డబ్బు ప్రేమానురాగాలని తెస్తుందా?

అవి రెండూ ముడిపడి ఉంటాయా?

డబ్బు గొప్పదా?

సంతోషం గొప్పదా?

డబ్బు సంతోషాన్ని తెస్తుందా?

పోనీ, సంతోషం డబ్బుని కొనగలదా?

సంతోషంగా ఉండటానికి డబ్బు కావాలా?

ఎంత కావాలి?

డబ్బుతొసంతోషం వస్తుందా? 

ఒస్తె, ఎంత సంతోషం వస్తుందీ?

డబ్బు అవసరాన్ని బట్టి కావాలి. 

మన అవసరాలేంటి? 

దానికి ఎంత కావాలి?

అది సంపాదించడానికి ఎంత కష్టపడాలి?

ఎలా కష్టపడాలి?

ఇవీ! మనం తెలుసుకోవలసినవి.

అసలు డబ్బు అనేదే లేకపోతే -  కొపం, చిరాకు, అసహనం ప్రేమానురాగాల స్థానాన్ని భర్తీ చేస్తాయి.

ఎక్కువ ఉంటే, ఎలా దన్ని భధ్రపరుచుకోవాలో అన్న ఆందోళనలోనె సమయం ఖర్చు ఐపోతుంది.

మరి ఎంత కావాలి? మనకి ఎంత అవసరమో, దానికంటే కాస్త ఎక్కువ - రేపు థుఫాను వస్తే భయపడకుండా ఎదుర్కోగలిగేంత, ఈరోజు సంతోషంగా ఎలాంటి బాధలబంధీ లేకుండా గడపగలిగేంత.

సంతోషం - డబ్బు, ఇవి రెండు ట్విన్స్.

ఏది తక్కువైనా, ఏది మితిమీరినా, జీవితం అస్తవ్యస్తం అవుతుంది.

ఎలా అంటారా?

చెట్టు పెరగటానికి, ఎండ ఎంత ముఖ్యమో నీరూ అంతే ముఖ్యం కదా?

రాగం, తాళం, ష్రుతి, లయ - అన్నిటి కలయికేగా సంగీతం? 

ఏది హద్దుదాటినా, ఏది కరువైనా - మొక్క ఎండిపోతుందీ, సంగీతం కరతాల ధ్వనిగా మారిపోతుంది. :)

Indrakeeladri - Summer '15 :)

Vijayawada.

Popularly known for it's heat, it's the heart of Andhra. (Andhra Pradesh is a state in South India) Since the telangana agitation, it's been topping the list of nominations as the capital of the new state of divided Andhra Pradesh. And also, it's home to the famous Kanaka Durga Temple situated atop the Indrakeeladri Hill on the banks of river Krishna.

Heading towards the temple post noon, all I could feel was the glaring sun- striking sharply in my eyes, blinding me for brief moments. Hoping I'd hit nobody on my way, I continued to sarcastically appreciate my mom's choice of a post noon visit to the temple. Slowly, yet steadily, the sky adorned a dramatic look. I was looking to my left, with my mouth agape, as the sun danced on Krishna's water. And then as the view got blocked by a high wall, my mom breathed in relief, thanking god for sparing the lives of a newly wed couple who were crossing the road right in front of our car. Okay wait, I didn't hit them. I time my sightseeing and break at the 'right' time, always. :D

Sadly, I didn't carry my camera as the temple prohibits photography in the interiors. Here are a couple of shots I could pull off with my phone.

The sky was SO dramatic. It was as if the clouds came completely prepared to tease me if I could capture the way they danced on the skies, changing every now and then, presenting one dramatic frame after another.

Solar lighting.

The new Gopuram.

A view of the city from the Shiva's temple.

Yes, it's all gold!

Shloky :)

Shloky turns 10 months!

kaaa kaa kaa kaaaa ka, go faster. Even more faster. I said faster!! 

Yaaaaaaaay!

I have two teeth. 

I can bite anything. 

Your finger, your nail.

Your hand, your hair.

Anything!!

Who's that girl?? *beaming smile*

That's a Sub by the way.

Smiles are contagious. :)

Do you fall in love with words?

Do you fall in love with words?
I do. :)
Suddenly reading about something, somewhere, I stumble upon a string of alphabets, tied together in a way that stops my breath for a brief moment. This generally doesn't happen quite often. Very rare.

It's like, a single word can sum up all I've been yearning to put together for quite sometime. It's when so many stories running in my head in parallel paths come to a standstill, when I get to call all of them by one single name. All of a sudden, when I encounter a word that aptly describes what I've been wanting to name all the while, it stops. It (my breath) stops for a brief moment, there's a sense of unknown relief that hovers all over me. It's like naming a thought that's been a part of me for so long. 

And the word is
Sonder.

I've been pondering at regular intervals about it for so long, only never realised it has a name. Well, it's not recognised by the Oxford lexicographers. Yet, whatever description I've found with the help of google uncle, swept me off my feet!

It says - "the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own -- populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries, and inherited craziness -- an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives you'll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk."  

The above breathlessness can absolutely be related to the elation I've experienced on the sight of this word. When I first read the description I'm like - Yes! Yes! Yes! I've experienced similar stories run between my two ears all the while. Each time I go past busy streets, all I noticed are walking 'stories', inumerable stories with human heads. Previously and even now, I continue to appreciate the co-existence of such dissimilarities ( until now, keeping it only to myself) , I never tried naming them though. It's a feeling, an absolutely pleasant one. 


The moment I realised the sync,  an unknown voice started talking to me - It said, "This is what I've been trying to communicate to you, your thoughts aren't directionless, they mean something, and a person who shared a similar thought has coined a name for it.  You have a mind friend. " -  meaning - there lived a person who shared a thought similar to mine without the either of us knowing each other. :D Awesome, right?!

Sonder : The realisation that everyone has a story. 

P.S - This word is coined by John Koenig, the author of 'The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows'.

P.P.S - Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows is a lexicon of emotions we don't have words for.